Time

“It’s time to turn in,” E said . “Alright, I’m on my way,” said A, her spouse. “Good night, David, see you tomorrow. It’s so good to have you here,” she said as she gave me a good strong hug. She shuffled off to the master bedroom, adjacent to the living room, yawning as she went.

“So, how have you been,” E asked when we were alone, sitting on the couch opposite the one where I was perched.

“The job’s fine,” I responded, “not difficult; nothing that I can’t handle at this stage of my life.”

I talked about being closer to family and some friends that I grew up with. I told her that it was good that I’ve been able to stop by my father’s resting place and reflect; something I hadn’t been able to do in the past because I was so far away.

“The one thing that I know, is that I’ll never get over it, even after all these years. I get so emotional when I go there, as though I’m back there on the day of the funeral. Then I look at the date, his name and realize how long ago it was.”

“Why do you feel that way,” she asked. “I’ve been in therapy for years, maybe I can help you with it.”

“That‘s true,” I said, smiling. “But your relationship with your father was more complicated than mine was.”

“It was, that‘s part of why I was in therapy for so many years,” she replied, “but yours wasn‘t.”

“I don’t know, I suppose, because I never had a chance to say goodbye to him. That's the one thing I got to do with N's mother that I couldn't do with my father.”

“Well, you couldn’t, could you?”

“I should have known, should’ve known that he was near the end and made a point of getting my butt up there to see him one last time.”

“But you did get up there when you knew, right? I see this is difficult, let me come over and sit next to you. I can see you’re hurting , and I don’t want you to feel that way,” she said gently, as she joined me on the couch and took my hand.

“I still should have known, should have called more when he wasn’t well to know how he was doing so that I could be there.”

“You did what you could at the time. He wouldn’t want you to feel this way, would he?”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Well, then you shouldn’t feel that way.”

“It doesn’t make it go away, make me feel...”

“I realize that. Have you thought about writing down your feelings? I did that with my father after he was gone and it helped me out. Will you do that? Promise me that you’ll do that?”

“I know you’re right, it doesn't make it easy, though. But I’ll work on it.”

“No, really, you need to write it down. Promise me, please? I don’t want you to hurt forever over it.”

“I’ll do that, might take me awhile because it is hard, but I’ll try,” as I fought back tears once again.

We sat in silence for awhile, side by side. Me, in comfort, lots of emotion near the surface (trying to control, of course), a kind, caring friend holding my hand. After a short while, she spoke up.

“It’s getting late, let’s get off to sleep.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” I sighed.

I moved toward the stairs to go to the guest room, while she walked toward her room, looking back at me with a concerned smile.

“Good night. See you in the morning.”

Westport

I stepped outside. The weather was breezy and cool, unusual for an August morning. The sun on the front porch and protection of the one wall stilled the air in that spot and made it feel warmer. I sat down on the front step and spotted one of the hens in the large shrub to my left. She proceeded to stroll toward me, clucking as she moved. She paced in front, then hopped up on the stairs, then one up behind me, circling around. Her curiosity growing, she joined me on the same step, then jumped onto my lap. She adjusted her bottom to get comfortable and then settled in for a rest. Of course I couldn't resist petting my new friend and she was content to take a break for awhile with me. For about 15 minutes the two of us sat there, she looking up and clucking from time to time, me petting her feathers. Then without warning, she jumped down and continued on her way, foraging through the grass.

Belmar

So Belmar it was! Arrived there about 10, bought a $7 daily beach badge at Fifth Avenue and found a place in the sand between the Third and Second Avenue beaches, settling in to relaxing with Business Week and the NY Times. The day was a bit overcast, so it was not crowded. Enough souls for people-watching, of course, but only mildly populated. About noon I got the courage to try the water (cold!) and was battered about by waves. Getting hungry, I found a restaurant nearby and had a BLT.

After lunch, I wasn't quite ready to leave, so I made my way back to my piece of beach and relaxed for another hour or so, along with another splashing time in the surf. Two o'clock and it was time to head out and back to the apartment.

The cat was happy to see someone home--she's even assisted in writing here this afternoon.

Busy Saturday

Yesterday was a busy day. Cleaned the apartment....newspapers and magazines were everywhere and had to be corralled. I've only been here four weeks, yet the dust was covering most surfaces quite evenly. And the table (kitchen type, the only one I have) was hiding. After much throwing away, some dusting and liberal use of a vacuum, all looks well tended.

The cat was happy because someone was home with her virtually all day. I even was able to keep her away from the vacuum.; an appliance she detests. I tried to read the newspaper; make that papers (three of them!) but she felt it important to sit on the one that I was reading. I even made a pile adjacent available for her to recline on, but that was not good enough. It was the one I was reading or nothing!

I'm thinking of taking a ride to the beach this morning, come back in the early afternoon. We'll see.

Good morning

Yes, I'm the other half to gay married with cat. The cat is currently residing with me, or rather, I'm residing with the cat. She lies in wait for the alarm to go off at 5 and jumps onto the bed, purring the moment it happens.

Started the morning at the gym and had a good swim. Seemed easy this morning, and, amazingly, was faster than usual. Don't ask why...the last two days have been an eating frenzy of tortilla chips and salsa, ice cream, and...oh, yes, pizza last night.

Unusually cool weather in these parts, although we're being threatened with extreme heat the next several days.